Across the Universe - SUYouTuber Parody
by kartertheartist
Summary: This is the story of a girl named Ellie Kjellberg who is half-gem and half-human living in the town of Beach City. Her father, Felix Kjellberg (PewDiePie) was the gem guardian of Earth and the leader of the Crystal Gems. Now, the girl is left with her guardians, Cry (Cryaotic), James (Uberhaxornova), and Mark (Markiplier). I do not own SU or the YouTubers told. Check them out!
1. Episode 1 - Gem Glows

**Season 1 Episode 1**

 **Gem Glows**

"Nooooo!" A girl yelled at the top of her lungs in a place called the Big Donut. The girl looked like this:  cgi/set?id=174214041.

"This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! Anthony, Anthony!" The girl hugged a man with dark brown hair and dark brown eyes around the waist.

"Please tell me I'm dreaming!"

"Get off me, I'm stocking!" Anthony said as he walked away.

"I'm sorry, Ellie, I guess they stopped making them." A girl with blue hair and blue contacted eyes said.

"Stopped making them?! Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Cats? They're only the most scrumptious and delicious ice cream sandwich ever made! Don't they have laws for this?!" Anthony sighed heavily.

"Tough bits. Nobody buys them anymore. I guess they couldn't compete with Lion Lickers." Anthony said as Ellie groaned, anguished.

"Not Lion Lickers, nobody likes them. They don't even look like lions! Kids these days, I'll tell ya what!" She complained. Anthony chuckled.

"Well, if you miss your wimpy ice cream so much, why don't you make some with your "magic belly button"? Ahahahahaha!" He mocked.

"That's not how it works, Anthony!... Right?" She lifted up her shirt to show a pink gem in her belly button and sighed.

"Oh, sweet Cookie Cats, with your crunchy cookie outside and your icy creamy insides. You were too good for this world." Ellie kissed the Cookie Cat freezer.

"Uh...?" Ellie said nothing as she hugged the freezer. Anthony looked at the pinkette.

"Do you want to take the freezer with you?" She nodded.

* * *

Ellie hummed the Cookie Cat theme as she walked up a small hill and into a house.

"Hey guys, you won't believe this—" Ellie was suddenly attacked by a monster, her hat falling off.

"Waaah!" A man used a whip to yank the monster off Ellie.

"Sup', Ellie?" The man looked like this:  cgi/set?id=174216624.

"Scary! What are these things?" Another man that looked like this:  cgi/set?id=174227221 lifted up one up and groaned.

"Sorry, Ellie, we'll get these centipeetles out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple."

"Please do! I am scared of bugs!" The centipeetle spit acid onto floor, making a hole.

"Um, you guys, these pieces of shit don't have gems." The blue-hatted man said.

"That means there's gotta be a momma somewhere nearby." Another guy said who looked like this:  cgi/set?id=174221238

"We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt." The masked man said.

"Oh, oh! Can I come?! Can I, can I?!"

"Ellie, until you learn to control the powers in your gem," The white-gemmed man started as he snapped the centipeetle's neck.

"We'll take care of protecting humanity, got it, chickadee?"

"Aw, man." Ellie noticed a centipeetle raiding the fridge.

"Hey! Get out of there! Go on, shoo shoo! Aw, they got into everything. Not cool!" She noticed the fridge was full of Cookie Cats.

"No way... it can't be! W-Where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!"

"Well, we heard that too, and since they're your favorite—" The purple one jumped in.

"We went out and stole a bunch!" The masked one glared at the purple one before crossing his arms and looking away.

"I went back and paid for them."

"The whole thing was my idea." The red one said smugly as he retracted his guns back to his gems.

"It was everyone's fucking idea."

"Not really."

"All that matters is that Ellie is happy." The white one said. Ellie started to rap goofily.

"Oooooh, he's a frozen treat with an all new taste, 'cause he came to this planet from outer space. A refugee of an interstellar war, but now he's at your local grocery store. Cookie Cat! He's a pet for your tummy! Cookie Cat! He's super duper yummy! Cookie Cat! He left his family behind! Cookie Caaat! Now available at Gurvhen's off route 109." She mumbled the last part. The men burst out in laughter and applause.

"I can't believe you did this. I'm gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one." She took one and unwrapped the ice cream sandwich.

"Hello, old friend." She bit into it.

"Oh, so good!" Ellie's gem began to glow.

"I like to eat the ears first."

"Uh, Ellie…" The purple man said.

"Wha? My gem!"

"Fuck, try and summon your weapon!"

"I-I don't know how!" Ellie started to panic.

"Ah, it's fading! How do I make it come back?!"

"Calm down, Ellie. Breathe, don't force it." The masked man guided.

"Yeah, and try not to shit yourself either."

"Please, don't." The gem glow faded away, making Ellie sigh.

"Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?"

"Oh, I'll go first! You'll have to wait!" The masked man said in a singsong voice.

* * *

Ellie and the white masked man were in front of a pink cherry blossom tree.

"Pay attention to these petals, Ellie. The petals' dance seems improvised, but it is being calculated in real time based on the physical properties of this planet. With hard work and dedication, you can master the magical properties of your gem and perform your own dance! Or that's what Okami taught me." He summoned a Sup Guy bomb, not lit.

"Like so."

* * *

Ellie and the purple guy were next to the Big Donut. Ellie picked up a pile of petals and tossed them in the air.

"Wah!"

"Did Cry tell you the "petal thing"?"

"Yeah, I need to practice really hard so I can dance like a tree... I think."

"Listen Ellie, all that practice shit is no fucking fun. Whenever I need to summon my weapon, it just fucking happens." He summoned his whip and broke a garbage container in two.

"See? Didn't try at fucking all." Anthony ran out back and dropped a trash bag.

"What the fuck?! Again?!

* * *

"So I'm supposed to work really hard and not try at all at the same time?" Ellie asked the reddish purplish man.

"Pretty much. Or... you could link your mind with the energy of all existing matter. Channeling the collective power of the universe through your gem, which results in—" He summoned his guns from his heart shaped gems on his hand.

"At least that's my way of doing it."

* * *

"I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So…" Ellie pointed, the purple man sitting back on the counter with the red man next to him.

"Mark and James were here. Cry was next to the fridge. Hmm. James, I think your arms were crossed?"

"Okay, your highness." James, the blue hatted man crossed his arms.

"And Cry, your hands were like this." Ellie moved his hands into his pockets.

"I don't think it works this way, Ellie."

"And Mark, uh…" She moved his face and glasses.

"Yeah. Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he's a frozen treat, all new taste, interstellar war, now available at Ghurven's. Aww, it was funnier last time." Ellie sighed.

"Maybe I'm not a real Crystal Gem." Mark bent down next to Ellie.

"Don't be silly, Ellie. Of course you are."

"And you're fun to have around, even if your gem is fucking useless." Cry and Mark glared angrily at the bearded man.

"I... mean, you're one of us, Ellie. We're not the Crystal Gems without you!" Cry nodded,

"Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I've still got... Cookie Cat!" She took a bite.

"Mmm, so good." Ellie's gem glowed then summoned a shield, making a collective gasp.

"Ellie, it's a fucking shield!" Cry said, his language flying over his head.

"Whoa, what?! I get a shield?! Oooh... yeah!" Ellie cheered, accidentally launching the shield which ricochets around the room, breaking a TV; James burst out laughing.

"Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!" Mark picked up the wrapper.

"What's in these things?" The house rumbled.

"What was that?" Everyone looked to the screen door to find a giant centipeedle. They raced outside.

"It's the Big Momma!" Mark yelled, leaping towards it.

"Stay in the house, Ellie!"

"No way, I'm coming too!" Ellie yelled as she went back to grab several Cookie Cats and the little freezer. The Gems chased the mother which lead them to the back of the temple and the mother attacked, the Gems take cover behind a broken hand statue as acid poured over the side.

"We could really use Ellie's fucking shield right about now!" James said in irritation. Ellie chucked a pebble at the mother.

"Hey!" She planted the freezer in the sand, it being too heavy for her to carry any further.

"Leave them alone!"

"Ellie- no!" The Gems yelled.

"Cookie Cat Crystal combo powers, activate!" Ellie ate a cookie cat but, nothing happened.

"Uh-oh. Aaaah!" Ellie retreated further back.

"We need to save Ellie!" Cry said.

"Can we fucking save ourselves first?!" James yelled.

"Goodbye, my friends." Ellie ate several cookie cats but, still, nothing happened.

"Why isn't it working?" She retreated once more.

"Ellie!" Mark held back the mother's pincers. She noticed the freezer was destroyed and gasped, tears in her eyes.

"No... Oh, no no no no no!..." She stared at it, tears trailing down her face.

"Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy. Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy!" She yelled, slow at first, but yelling at the end. She dragged the freezer by its chord aggressively.

"Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie Caaat!" She chucks freezer at the mother which shocked it.

"Now available... nowhere." She said while falling to her knees.

"Fuck yes!"

"Gems, weapons!" Cry yelled. The Gems summoned their weapons, James' a purple bullwhip from his amethyst on his chest, Cry's little Sup Guy bombs from a pearl on the forehead of his mask and Mark's duel pistols with matching 'warfstaches' from two garnets that sat on the palms of his hands. The gems burst from the cover.

"Let's do it." The gems attacked all at once, destroying the mother, a gem fell and Mark bubbled it away. Ellie buried a wrapper and put a small leaf on top of the small grave.

"Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats. I'll always remember the time we spent together." Her stomach rumbled.

"Shh, hush now."

"Are you crying?" James questioned, raised an eyebrow.

"Only a little!" She squeaked.

"Well, I guess your powers don't come from fucking ice cream."

"Of course they don't come from ice cream. Don't worry, Ellie, I'm sure someday you'll figure out how to activate your gem." Mark said.

"Yeah, in your own Ellin-y way." Cry said, ruffling her hair.

"I'm okay guys. I just—" Her stomach rumbled.

"Ugh, I think I ate too many Cookie Cats…" The Gems laughed. Ellie laughed anxiously, then vomited.

 **[End]**


	2. Episode 2 - Laser Light Cannon

**Season 1 Episode 2**

 **Laser Light Cannon**

Ellie and James ran towards the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries.

"Hey Fryman, give me the bits!" Ellie called.

"Ellie! We're closed." He said as he flipped the sign.

"Aww, what?" Ellie said, disappointedly resting her head in her arms on the counter.

"Give er' the fucking bits!" James said, hitting the table.

"The bits, the bits…" James chanted over and over, hitting the counter. Ellie soon joined in.

"The BITS! The BITS! THE BITS!" They chanted, banging on the counter.

"Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya?"

"Yes!" James and Ellie high-fived each other.

"I can give you actual fries if you want."

"Just the bits, please," Ellie said, taking the bag.

"Thanks." Ellie walked away with James.

"Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky." James burst out laughing.

"Yeah, that big fucking second su—" James gasped, noticing the large second sun in question.

"Oh no, what the fuck is THAT doing here?"

"What is it?" James picked her up and ran.

"Ah, my bits!" Ellie dropped her bits. At the beach, Mark and Cry were staring at 'the second sun', Mark through a telescope.

"This is so bad." Cry said.

"Look at the SIZE of it, I had no idea these things were SO BIG!"

"That's what she said."

"Cry! Mark!" They turned to find James running while carrying Ellie.

"We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. Where the hell were you?" Cry said. James put down Ellie

"...Eating fry bits." Cry sighed while Mark facepalmed.

"Oh, can I see?" Ellie said as she peered through the telescope.

"Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!"

"NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!" Cry said.

"A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!" Ellie cried.

"I'm sure you're thinking of pink eye, Ellie," Mark said as James laughed.

"It's going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious innocent people! We have to stop it." Cry said, a bit stressed.

"What are we going to do?" Ellie questioned.

"The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to PewDiePie," Mark said, adjusting his glasses.

"My dad?"

"If that Swedish dick were here, this would be so easy," James said.

"I know, but he's not, and the cannon is missing. We'll have to find another solution." Cry said.

"If it belonged to my dad, I bet my mom knows where it is. She can help us save the day! Huh? Eh?"

"Marzia is... nice, Ellie, but I doubt Felix would entrust someone like her with such a powerful weapon." Cry sugarcoated.

"Your mom has kind of become a fucking mess, Ellie," James said, putting a hand on Ellie's shoulder.

"NOVA!" Cry yelled.

"I'm just sayin', even if he did leave it with her, she probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now."

"Maybe." Mark agreed.

"No way, I'm sure she's just keeping it somewhere safe. I'll go ask her."

"We can handle this, Ellie," Mark said, looking to Nova.

"Ready?" Mark picked up James and threw him at super force at the Red Eye... to have no effect. James just bounced off and fell into the ocean.

"Uh, I'm gonna go," Ellie said.

"...Okay, good luck." Cry said half-heartedly.

* * *

Ellie banged on van doors of a van that sat behind a boutique.

"Mom, it's me! Mom, are you in there?" She barged the door, but it didn't work.

"Wake up! We have to save... the-WORLD!" She climbed on the van.

"Mom!" Ellie tripped and fell on her face, setting off the car alarm. At this, a woman with brown eyes and brownish blonde hair came out, holding a waffle iron. Her hair was a bit messy and long and she was tanned.

"Who's there? I have a waffle iron!" She said in a slight Italian accent.

"Mom, it's me!" She squinted.

"Ellie?" They hugged.

"I thought you were trying to steal something! What are you doing up so late?"

"What do you mean? The sun just went down an hour ago." Marzia blushed.

"Oh, heh. It was a... slow day at the boutique. Anyway, what's going on? Just needed to see your mom, talk about girl stuff, learn some lessons about life?" Ellie blushed in embarrassment.

"No! I need the light cannon that belonged to Dad, to blow up that eyeball!"

"'Eyeball'?" Ellie pointed.

"That!" Marzia looked and found James flying towards the Red Eye but, falls, again.

"Wait, is that a magical thing? The Gems told me not to get involved with magic stuff. It, it could be dangerous or interfere with what's left of my sanity." She said, rubbing her forehead.

"But they need Dad's cannon. You've gotta know where it is, like a cave dungeon or a cloud fortress, or in a clam at the bottom of the ocean!"

"Well, I don't know about all that. But I have an idea where it might be."

* * *

Marzia and Ellie stood in front of 'U-Stor', a storage facility.

"A magical storage unit!" Ellie yelled. Marzia giggled.

"Not exactly. But some would say there's magic inside." She winked at Ellie, who looked at her cluelessly.

"It's just a shed I use to keep things that don't fit in the van. If it's anywhere, it'll be in here." Marzia opened the door, revealing a shed filled to the brim with boxes and clutter.

"If I'm going in there, I'm gonna need some gear," Ellie said before tying a flashlight to her head with sock and electric cord wrapped around her waist. She gulped.

"Here I go."

"Good luck!" Marzia said. Ellie crawled into the stuffy shed.

"Woah, cool! It's like a mom museum." Ellie went deeper and saw a figure.

"There it is!" She pulled down a bag of golf clubs.

"Do you golf?"

"Eh, no, but we bought them because of a video we were going to do... eventually." Ellie noticed a cannon shaped object.

"Hmm, yes!" She moved the junk on top of it.

"...A drum." She rummaged around.

"No, no…" She gasped.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Is this—" She pulled the trigger and a balloon that was in the gun popped, scaring her. She shrieked.

"Ellie?! Are you okay?!" Marzia called.

"F-Fine… Just popped a balloon…"

"Russian Roulette?"

"Yeah…" She noticed a box full of books with a CD on top of it.

"Hey, there's a bunch of copies of Dad's old book! This Book Loves You!" Ellie picked up a book and a CD and stored it in her pocket.

"Huh. Oh, I couldn't give those things away. You know, before your father… left, when he was a famous YouTuber, we traveled the whole world." Ellie giggled.

"I know, Mom."

"When I found a video that my friend sent me, it was—"

"An ALLIGATOR!"

"No, it was your father."

"Hahaha, I know."

"And we were always together after that. Until he gave up his physical form to bring you life. I don't know what a magic man like him ever saw in a plain old woman like me." Ellie accidentally stepped on a photo frame of Felix and Marzia and broke it. She gasped.

"Uh, Mom, I broke a photo."

"It's okay, honey. Remember what your father used to say, 'Don't be a salad, be the best broccoli you can ever be!'" Something began to glow within the mess. Ellie noticed it.

"Huh?" She gasped at what she found.

"The light cannon!" Outside, Marzia was looking at the Red Eye.

"Oh boy, that thing's giving me the spooks and I am a horror fan." She rubbed her left arm with her right.

"Mom, I found it!"

"Really?" Ellie tied a cord around the cannon.

"Get the van!" Mariza drove the van and everything got pulled out, the cannon in the back.

"This thing could save the city, we've gotta get it to the beach!" Ellie called.

"How? It's too big for the van." A wagon rolled by.

* * *

As Ellie and Marzia drove, the wagon's bottom had broken and the Laser Light Cannon was dragging along.

"Is it gonna be okay?" Marzia just shrugged nervously.

"Don't be a salad—" Ellie burst in.

"Be the best broccoli you can ever be!" Marzia's eyes moved to the enlarged Red Eye.

"That thing's getting huge, it's freaking me out."

"Can't the van go any faster?"

"This is faster." Marzia worried.

"Don't worry. Come on, let's put on your CD of Dad's songs." Marzia looked forward.

"Really? You've heard it all already." Ellie giggled.

"But, I love it!" She inserted the disc. "I'm a Pretty Girl" came on and started to play and Ellie started to sing along.

"Feels weird to be on this side of the friend zone  
Just know that it's nothing personal (nothing personal)  
I never stood out too much, 'til I had that voice in my dream  
Got new shoes, got new shoes, yes, it's true, yes, it's true

I'm a pretty girl  
Pretty, pretty, pretty girl  
Oh look it's a little little squirrel  
I'm naked in space  
Just know that I love you anyway, anyway  
I'm a pretty girl  
Pretty, pretty, pretty girl  
You get one chance to save the world, save the world  
Oh look, I'm a pretty, pretty, pretty girl  
Oh look, I'm a pretty, pretty, pretty girl" The song continued to play in the background as they drove to the beach. On the shore washed up James.

"Throw me again, I think I'm cracking that shit!" He noticed Marzia and Ellie.

"Is that...?"

"Hey, guys!" Ellie called before Cry gasped.

"She really had it!" James jumped in front of Cry and Mark

"We're fucking SAVED!" The Red Eye's gravity began to pull everything towards it, causing rumbling and destruction.

"We have to use it now," Mark said.

"I don't know how it works, it was Pewds'!" Cry said.

"Mom, how do we use it?"

"S-Sorry, I do not know..." Marzia shrugged.

"Ellie, this is serious." Realization hit Cry.

"The gem. You have Pewdie's gem."

"That's fucking it!" James lifted Ellie and rubbed her against the cannon.

"Ah, come on!"

"Stop that." Cry said.

"It's no use," Mark said.

"Fine, forget it. Fucking throw me again."

"That's not going to work." The gravitational pull intensified, pulling the van and the cannon. Marzia unhooked the cord from the cannon.

"I got this!" Marzia got pulled by the van.

"Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I do not!" She tried to stop the van.

"Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless! I know you can help."

"It's okay, Ellie. We'll figure out something else, something even better!" Marzia yelled.

"R-R-R-Right, Don't be a salad, be the best broccoli you ever can be." The cannon began to activate.

"It's working!" Cry said. The cannon unlocked, but fell, gaining a collective gasp. Ellie attempted to lift it, the Gems soon helping.

"Ellie!"

"This is fucking it!"

"BRACE YOURSELVES!" Mark yelled before the cannon shot a rose shaped blast that looked like PewDiePie delivering a brofist destroyed the Red Eye, causing it to explode and shrapnel to fall, destroying parts of the city boardwalk.

"Ellie, you just saved most of Beach City!"

"Sorry about that!" Ellie yelled to Fryman who stood on the boardwalk.

"What?"

"How did you get it to work?" Cry questioned.

"I just said that thing that Dad said in one of his Pewds Does Everything videos."

"That thing about cauliflower?" Mark put a hand on his shoulder.

"It was salad."

"Felix..." Marzia said with tears down her cheeks. The tide suddenly came in, washing the van towards the beach but, still surrounded by water, causing a collective laughter)

"My van!"

"It's okay Mom, don't be a salad—"

"I LIVE in there!" Marzia rushed towards the van.

"Wait up!" Ellie called as she went towards the van.

"Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!"

 **[End]**


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